Ex Animus, Corpus
by TheVulcanPrincess
Summary: Tuvok enters pon farr and ponders a tempting offer he received two years previously. Set during the episode Body and Soul. It is a sequel to my story Watching Over You, and won't make much sense if you haven't read that one first.


_Ex Animus, Corpus_ (From the Soul, the Body)

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek: Voyager. I'm not making any money off of this, and no copyright infringement is intended.

Author's Notes: I had originally planned for my previous story "Watching Over You" to be a stand-alone piece. However, Ascii27 asked for a sequel and I decided to oblige. I started this several months ago and then hit writer's block and real life. My muse is back, so here it is.

This is set during the episode "Body and Soul".

* * *

_Kathryn Janeway was standing in a verdant garden, wearing flowing robes, cut in the Vulcan style. In the distance, she saw Tuvok hastening toward her. He reached her and hesitated, scrutinizing her appearance. He reached out to her, taking her in his arms. He began to kiss her, and his hands moved to untie her robes._

Janeway sat bolt upright in bed. This was the third time this week that she had experienced this dream. She walked over to the replicator and said, "Coffee. Black."

The coffee materialized, and she sat on her couch, staring out at the stars. She did not usually have erotic dreams, and she certainly had never had one about Tuvok before. She reasoned that perhaps it was just her subconscious telling her that she had been alone for too long.

* * *

Tuvok sat in his quarters surrounded by candles, beads of perspiration pouring off his face, attempting to meditate. He was not meeting with success. He counted the years and came to the only logical conclusion.

The Doctor was on an away mission, so Tuvok summoned the only help he could, Lieutenant Paris. To his credit, Tom arrived promptly.

Tom scanned Tuvok with a medical tricorder, "Headache, fever, respiratory distress, tremors."

Irritated by the litany of symptoms, Tuvok responded, "In the Doctor's database you'll find a medication under file theta twelve alpha. Please, replicate it immediately."

"You know I can't give out medicine without knowing what it's for," Tom said, not entirely unsympathetically.

"If you must know, I am suffering from a neurochemical imbalance."

Trying not to smirk, Tom said, "Oh, this wouldn't be the kind of imbalance that comes around once every _seven years_?"

Tuvok raised his eyebrow. "My pon farr is in the early stages. The urges are still controllable. The Doctor anticipated my needs and developed a treatment. Combined with meditation it should enable me to control the symptoms."

"Well, if that doesn't work, there's always a cold sonic shower," Paris quipped. "I'll tell the captain that you'll be out of commission for a couple of days."

"She will want to know why," Tuvok said stiffly.

Scenes from Kadi Prime flashed through Tuvok's memory. He saw Janeway, dressed in a bathrobe, a towel wrapped around her wet hair. He found himself momentarily wondering what she looked like under the bathrobe as he recalled her invitation, _'When your time comes, come to me.'_ He shook his head imperceptibly, as if to force the image from his mind.

Paris changed his demeanor from being filled with levity to being filled with a conspiratorial earnestness. "Well, according to my tricorder, all we've got here is a mild case of the Tarkalean flu."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Tuvok said gratefully.

Tom replicated the medicine and left Tuvok alone with his meditations.

* * *

Captain Janeway sat at her desk in her ready room reading crew reports. She was nearly finished when she got to the weekly crew health status report. She picked up the PADD and read.

_Stardate 54238.5_

_Acting Medical Officer Lieutenant Tom Paris_

_Ensign Jenny Delaney- Treated for two broken ribs following a martial arts accident. Able to return to duty immediately._

_Naomi Wildman- Given an analgesic for pain following the loss of a deciduous tooth._

_Lieutenant Commander Tuvok- Treated for Tarkalean Flu. Not contagious, but three days leave from duty is recommended for recovery._

Janeway re-read the last line on the PADD and then thought for a moment. Tuvok rarely gets sick. In fact, the last time he had the Tarkalean Flu was while they were at a diplomatic conference on Vulcan, just before he went undercover. "Oh, my," she said to nobody in particular. "That was seven years ago."

* * *

Tom returned to Tuvok's quarters to do another neural scan. He frowned as he ran the tricorder over Tuvok's head. "Your neurotransmitters aren't absorbing the medication."

"Can you increase the dosage?" Tuvok asked hopefully.

"Not without damaging your neocortex. The Doctor might be able to synthesize something stronger, but..."

Tuvok cut him off. "I will make do until he arrives."

"There is another way," Tom said.

Tuvok saw Janeway in his mind's eye. Each time he saw her, she became more beautiful to him. Tom continued, "The holodeck."

"I am a married man," Tuvok said, more to remind himself than to dissuade Paris.

"It's the holodeck, Tuvok. It doesn't count."

"Is that what you tell _your_ wife?" Tuvok countered.

Paris shifted uncomfortably. "You have pictures of T'Pel, right? The computer could use them to make a replica. It wouldn't be cheating if you used a hologram of her."

Tuvok reasoned that it was the only logical choice.

* * *

Tuvok stood in the holodeck, in a replica of his family homestead. A hologram of T'Pel approached. Tuvok took a deep breath and centered himself, trying to maintain the illusion that this was real.

He began the ritual greeting. After a few moments, the holodeck began to flicker, and finally it went out. Tuvok was left standing on the black and yellow grid. He returned to his quarters to determine his next course of action.

He pulled out his lamp and tried to meditate again, but the reverberations of weapons fire shook him out of it. Tuvok took three deep breaths and changed back into his uniform. He decided that his place was on the bridge.

Tuvok entered the bridge and relieved Ayala at tactical. A firefight ensued, and Tuvok manned his station expertly. When the shooting subsided, Captain Janeway came near and placed her hand on Tuvok's arm.

Janeway said, "I appreciate your sense of duty, Tuvok, but we can manage without you."

Tuvok's breathing quickened due to her proximity. He said, laboriously, "I am fine. My illness is under control."

Neelix chose that moment to come through the turbolift doors, bearing a bowl of soup. In his cheery voice, he said, "I brought you some of my grandmother's soup. It's good for what ails you. Of course, a man in your condition really should be in bed."

Tuvok raised his eyebrow at the surely unintentional double entendre and politely refused the soup. Captain Janeway had to order him off the bridge before he would leave. He returned to his quarters to meditate once again.

* * *

After the Doctor, Ensign Kim, and Seven of Nine had returned safely from their away mission and the battle was over, the holodeck became available once again. Tuvok returned to attempt to resolve his problem.

The hologram of T'Pel approached and proffered her hand. Tuvok took her hand in his and drew her closer. As he proceeded, he realized that something was missing; a hologram could not cure him. Pon farr required more than merely intercourse, it required intimacy- a joining of souls, not just bodies.

Tuvok ended the program and returned to his quarters once more. He attempted to meditate his way out of the situation, but he realized that it was hopeless. This ordeal was eroding his emotional control, and he slumped down on the floor with his head dejectedly in his hands.

* * *

Captain Janeway sat in her quarters with a cup of coffee and a stack of reports. She was suddenly hit with a wave of despair that seemed to come not from within, but from without. She didn't know how, but she was certain that Tuvok was the source. She addressed the computer, "What is the location of Lt. Commander Tuvok?"

"Lt. Commander Tuvok is in his quarters."

"Is he alone?"

"Affirmative."

She set her beverage down and bolted for the door, not caring that she was in her pajamas. She ran the entire way to Tuvok's quarters, pausing only for a second to catch her breath before ringing the chime. There was no answer. She rang again and said, "Tuvok! I know you're in here. Open up!"

No response. She entered her emergency override code and walked in. She saw Tuvok sitting on the floor perspiring heavily. He was shaking as he said, "You should not be here. I do not know how much longer I can control myself."

"Then don't," Janeway said.

Tuvok raised his head to behold the beautiful creature standing before him. Her pajamas were a flimsy white silken material that gently caressed her figure. They seemed to flap in the nonexistent breeze. Her auburn hair, which was usually in a severe bun, flowed freely about her shoulders.

She looked, he decided, like those angels he read about in ancient Earth religious texts. His angel, come to save him. She reached her hand out, gripped his hand, and raised him to a standing position. While leading him to the bedroom, she said, "I knew you couldn't come to me, so I came to you."

In the morning, she awoke first. She turned to look at Tuvok, and as she shifted, his arm tightened slightly around her. She thought she saw what looked like a small smile on his face. She reached her hand forward and traced the outline of his ear.

Tuvok stirred and his eyes fluttered open. He blinked a few times to assure himself that this was indeed real. Janeway said, "Good morning. How are you doing?"

He cleared his throat and said, "You saved my life. Thank you."

Janeway smiled. "Anytime."

They both suddenly became self-conscious, realizing their state of undress. They turned their backs to one another as they began putting their clothing back on. When they were dressed, Janeway went to the replicator and ordered two cups of spice tea. She handed one to Tuvok and noticed that his brow was furrowed. "What's on your mind, old friend?" she asked.

Tuvok could not look her in the eye as he said, "I have betrayed my wife."

"You said so yourself, Tuvok, you would have died otherwise. I'm sure T'Pel will understand. You did what was logical and necessary."

Tuvok looked at the ground as he said, "Fidelity is a state of mind, not merely a state of body. Simply accepting your assistance would not have been a problem. The problem was that I _wanted_ to."

Janeway was surprised. "I had no idea."

"You were not meant to."

They sat in silence, neither knowing what to say. The Doctor summoned Tuvok to sickbay, and they took their leave of one another. Janeway returned to her quarters to prepare for her shift on the bridge.

After receiving medical clearance, Tuvok left sickbay and headed toward the bridge. He ran into Lieutenant Paris on the way. Tom said, "Commander, it's good to see you're over the flu."

"I have fully recovered. Thank you for your assistance."

"Ah, don't mention it. I just hope everything was okay."

"The hologram was adequate," Tuvok lied. He paused before truthfully adding, "but no substitute for the real thing."

Tuvok stepped out of the turbolift doors and onto the bridge. As he walked to his tactical station, his eyes fell on Janeway. She was dressed once again in her Starfleet uniform with her hair tightly drawn into a bun.

His angel was forever gone, replaced by his captain and his friend.


End file.
